Did you know? Relationships are one of the most complex, yet, most satisfying things in the world? Well, now that I have shared this amazing wisdom with you, I want to use it as the premise for my post. The reason I’m doing that is because a lot of us jump into relationships for the wrong reasons and one of them is the pictures we see online. It’s like, “hey. You’re not in a relationship? How are you surviving being the odd one out?” and I totally get it. But, you don’t just walk into someone’s life because you saw some person post a picture of a seemingly perfect relationship and then you begin to think that your life is a mess. Calm down. All our lives are messes. Lol. Truth is, nobody is perfect and since a relationship is going to be consisting of two imperfect people, you can imagine how imperfect a relationship is from the start. This post is therefore for those people in relationships for the wrong reasons and those ones who are in relationships and don’t understand it.
Here is a brief outline of the things you don’t do and the things you should do instead in your relationships. Enjoy:
1. Never listen to rumours. It’s your relationship. It’s the both of you. Yes, your partner didn’t tell you everything about that meeting he went for and she didn’t also tell you where she went on Sunday evening. Please and please, if these things bother you, make sure you bring it up to your partner instead of listening to somebody else talking about it. A lot of people are very emotional and take the tiniest details very personal while some people don’t really care. You could hear something from an outsider about your relationship and start holding a grudge with your partner meanwhile, the reason your partner didn’t tell you was because he/she didn’t think it was a big deal. Rumours make you to start trying to fit in puzzles that weren’t even there. You’ll start remembering that your husband went to see a friend one day and stayed till evening and when he came back, he was so sweaty and he rushed into the bathroom to bath. You’ll remember that the rumour you heard had a part where your husband was seen coming out a house, unbuttoning his shirt and laughing with a guy. Then you would remember that one day, he said he didn’t care about whether people decided to be gay or not. Then, you fix the pieces together and voila! You have it. Your husband is gay! This is actually what rumours do to you and your relationship. Meanwhile, your husband branched to visit a childhood friend of his who just returned from London after 10 years and they got drinking and talking with your husband telling him how much of a blessing you are to his life. Then, they play some video games, drink and your husband begins to run home because he didn’t want you worrying about him and that’s why he got home sweaty. You should stop listening to rumours and instead, talk it out with your partner. This of course isn’t exclusively to only ladies.
2. Don’t compare your partner: it makes them feel insecure and jealous and some very emotional partners will start thinking you are having an affair especially if you keep comparing them to their friends or someone they know. Talks like, “Why do you keep your hair like this and apply only brown powder on your face? Don’t you see how Lydia dresses? Fine and smart?” Hollup! Why are you noticing how Lydia dresses? You even noticed her hair and makeup? What is going on? Oh, wait. I’m not as beautiful as she is? What does she have that I don’t have? I should start applying more makeup? You see? Next time when she sees Lydia, she’s just going to be busy sizing her up and hating her. You don’t want this awkwardness in your life. You don’t want your relationship to be ruined by insinuations. Please, never compare your partner to anybody. Even if you want to correct them, say it without trying to compare them to somebody. There’s already enough to make someone pissed in the world. Don’t add to it.
3. Never use harsh words on your partner: you don’t like being called hopeless and useless right? Don’t call your partner that. Don’t remind them of their failures or mock them when they don’t get things right or fail at something. Never insult your partner. I tell you. Even though you settle. Days after you settle, they’ll still be thinking about that thing you said. You know what they say about saying the truth when you are angry? Your partner might just think he’s actually a loser and you only said it when you were angry as a guise. You don’t want to permanently wound your partner and kill his/her esteem. So, please, watch the words you use in an argument or fight. In case you are really foul mouthed, please, walk away from that fight. You don’t have to talk every time. Walk away as much as you want to say something that will make him/her get as mad as you already are.
4. Don’t tell your friends all that happens in your relationship: I know this hurts but, don’t. Your best friend doesn’t need to know all the details. Nobody is saying she will use it against you or gossip but, it’s to keep the respect between your partner and your friend. Yes. If you keep telling everything that happens in your relationship to people, before you know it, one day, you’ll say the one you are not supposed to say and no matter how you beg them to keep it a secret, it will become compound gist one day. If it were truly a secret, you would have respected the privacy of your partner and kept it to yourself. Don’t go around dropping pieces of information about your partner to people and telling them to keep it a secret. Tomorrow, they’ll also tell someone else too and make them promise to keep it a secret and in no time, your relationship is going to be a live show and everybody will watch. Tell your friends the things that you know wont jeopardize your partner’s dignity or person. You should have enough sense to sieve things that are not supposed to be told. If you didn’t have enough sense, you wouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Unless you and your partner are both senseless and don’t know.
5. Finally, your partner’s friends aren’t your friends: your partner’s friends are your partner’s friends. There is no need for you to be trying to be best friends with all of them. Establish a cordial relationship with them. Chat with them when there’s something to chat about. Hang out with them only when your partner is hanging out with them. The thing is, you shouldn’t get too close to your partner’s friend. I mean, just imagine that you go out and see your husband going shopping with your friend and laughing. I’m sorry but, as much as we want to pretend like it’s no big deal, it is a big deal. Especially when your relationship is just growing. Or your wife is on a phone call for 20 minutes talking about God-knows-what and laughing like a fish and when you finally ask her who she is talking with, she tells you it’s your friend. Please, know your boundary with your partner’s friends. Know when the handshake is going past the elbow. A lot of people don’t see anything wrong with any of these examples but, a lot more people totally understand and won’t be happy if you are getting too close.
Thanks for reading today’s post. Hope to see you on the next one. Have a lovely day.
