In the 21st century , include submission in the topics you discuss during courtship. It’s going to be a life saver.
I actually don’t have nothing against “submitting in all things”. But I would still go with mutual respect.
In a mutual-respect propelled partnership, respect is earned and the most mutually beneficial ideas take preeminence. But in a submission-propelled marriage, respect is given to the head, whether earned or not and decisions are not taken based on mutual interest but the interest of the “head” is upheld at all times. Both types of relationships are practicable depending on choices of the people in it.
But because submission is an issue that has sent some people to the grave, I’m saying, men should endeavour to marry women who are designed by nature or nurture or who agree prior to marching down the isle, to submit in all things.
Intending couples should as a matter of utmost conjugal importance, discuss the concept of submission, so they both are sure they are on the same page.
It’s an exercise in absurdity to marry any girl and assume she comes with a chip of submission implanted in her vagina. Submission is not the default setting of women.
Assuming that being female is synonymous to being submissive, is a colossal error. If before walking down the isle, there is a premarital arrangement, in which she agrees to be the only peace determining index in the home through submission, it’s OK.
If she agrees, like Jesus, that the burden of marital peace lies on her submissive shoulders, like our Daddy GO opined, it’s ok.
If she agrees that she will submit her will under his will and stay ‘willess’ it’s OK.
If she agrees that all her dreams would be subsumed under his dreams, it’s OK.
If she signs to not wanting anything for her life except the one he wants for her so peace reigns it’s OK.
What I find gross and unfair is marrying any woman without first knowing if she subscribes to submission.
As important as submission is to the average male Christian of African descent, it’s a topic he does not give more than a cursory glance during courtship. Even when the signs of non total submission are there on the part of the woman, he marries her, and makes up his mind right from the altar to beat her into shape or die trying, Yet, this is someone whose belief in Christ is not as important to him as his belief in submission. “The finished work on the cross” pales into insignificance once there is a woman to demand submission from. This is someone who chooses submission over his “heavenly race” yet , he does not put it into account as an important prenuptial discussion.
My advice to the average African male interested in submission is, If you do not notice that streak of yieldedness or otherwise in her, please ask her what she thinks about submission. Give her your own adaptation of the meaning of submission. Listen attentively to all the nuances of her thoughts on the concept of submission. Then, when you are satisfied that her understanding of submission aligns with yours, then you go ahead so you avoid penetrating a round hole with a triangular peg and open a floodgate of pain into your life, her life and that of your kids.
If she believes in mutual respect and you believe in submission, both of you may not be able to meet each other at the middle. So, marry your kind and give your self peace. Don’t marry a lion and try to transmogrify her into a lamb or marry an eagle and try to pluck her wings so she flies at the level of a fowl. You will burn yourself out.
There was a time the only things that were enough for marriage to happen were butterflies in the stomach and the money to finance a wedding. But now, these are not enough. Times have changed. Women are a lot more self aware. Contemporary realities make it unsavory for intending partners to just leave their future in the hands of cupid alone. So, to continue along the path above , is to prepare the best recipe for disaster in marriage.
Uche Ann
