There’s really no manual for dealing with the loss of someone who was very dear to you. It comes as a shock most of the time because even though in some cases, these people might have been sick, and you might have lowkey been scared they would die, you didn’t necessarily prepare for it.
Losing a loved one tops the chart of all the things that can emotionally break a person down. In cases where the relationship was very intimate i.e. husband and wife or siblings who grew up as best friends, it can do much more psychological harm than emotional.
Nobody can tell you the best way to deal with such a loss but, I’m writing this because, I also lost someone and so far, I have been able to manage. So, in the subsequent paragraphs, I will be briefly telling you some of the things I have been doing that has helped me deal with my loss.
I am going to start by telling you that I lost my mum. Mothers are irreplaceable, and nothing can ever change the fact that your mother is the only one that can love you like she does. So, that being established, the first step I took was mourning her. I grieved over her death. I don’t know how to cry and tear my hair and all that but, I know I grieved. I still do. I remember her, and all our conversations and I feel like begging her to come back home. Grieve. Mourn. Don’t let anybody take that away from you. It wouldn’t bring your loved one back, but it will help you begin to deal with your loss.
After hearing the news, I was in denial for weeks. Even months. I would still pick up my phone and dial her number, expecting her to pick up and say something to me. Anything. I didn’t want to believe it and it killed me every day. At the end of the day, I just had to tell myself that it was true, and I would never see her again. This is called acceptance. This is the stage where you finally come to terms with what has happened.
Then, I began to regret and put blames on myself. I was in school, far away from home and I only got to see my family once a year; August-November. I began to tell myself that I could have done better. I could have forgotten my hate for travelling and just gone to see my family more often. I could have made more money earlier in life. I should have had sex with that man earlier in the year and collected the money he promised. I heaped on so much blame on myself and at a point, I started feeling responsible for her death. It’s not healthy and no, it’s not your fault. You tried, and you still lost that person. The only thing to do is deal with it.
I started staying indoors and avoiding people and it wasn’t even good for me. I would cry myself to sleep, wake up from sleep and keep crying. Some days, I would cry until I couldn’t breath and it would be a problem to stop. I knew I was really hurt and all that but, truth is, I would never have been able to deal with my mum’s death if I remained indoors. My friends started to come around and beg me to leave the house. I would come up with so many excuses and all that but, somehow, they would manage to drag me out of the house. I got better.
Finally, these days, I could just be randomly gisting with a friend and I remember my mum and just smile. Some other times, it could greatly change my mood. However, one thing I have come to realize is that I have so many memories of her and I’ll never forget her. This is the most important thing. To cherish those people you lost and keep their memories close to your heart. I’m just going to use this medium to say, “I miss you mummy and I love you forever”.
Thanks for reading!
Wink’s Corner
